Breakup Angels December Newsletter

What if you could..?

..View recession as a springboard to makeup, not breakup

..Take responsibility for what parting means

.. Make sure your kids come through it without harm

..Find 1-1 support from £60 for your most pressing issue (but book before 25 December)

..Learn more about the opposite sex in ‘Men are from Marylebone, Women are from Waterloo’

..Use your experiences to help others

..Have a very happy Christmas even though this may be your first apart

A quick story.  When I divorced 6 years ago I had to bite the bullet. I read ‘Feel the Fear and do it anyway’ and ‘Co-dependent no more’ and had tried everything else from Relate to reasonableness, with lots of anxiety and anger getting in the way. Then I made my choice.

Once I had done that, things got easier in many ways. I felt happier than I had for years. I could be honest. I could ask for help. I no longer had to hide behind a mask of loyalty (to my ex) or lies (which covered up a fast disintegrating financial meltdown.) In short, I had to face up to it and find ways to cope in the days before there were many on-line sources of help and Relate or litigation were the only known options.

I threw myself into the great unknown. Seven years on if I had a pound for everyone who says 'I wish I'd known about you when I was divorcing'  I'd be rich. Unfortunately, those going through it or heading for it tend not to think they'll need or want to use our services. But when they realise they do in fact need us, they often sadly can't afford it because they've left it too late.

Forewarned is often forearmed - what if you could find answers to those questions which are eluding you? What if you were to get back together; save money on legal fees or see a new life post breakup is possible? How relieved – happy even – would you feel? Breakup Angels make these hard to answer questions easier to find and help you start anew .

So, what if you could.. View a recession as a springboard to makeup, not breakup?

The media is full of doom and gloom but it's up to readers whether they want to believe it all and focus on the negative, or realise they can't change the big outside picture, but they can change the way they respond to it and their own lives. If your relationship's in crisis (or at least, a bit rocky) what can you do? When you can't afford to go and you can't afford to stay together, what on earth can you do? And how much choice do you have to breakup or makeup?

Divorce is a life changing event - everyone knows that, even folk who have been happily married for years. If you are facing it, or even going through it right now, are you satisfied that have you really asked every question you need to ensure the relationship is over?

Jackie Walker, my co-partner, asks in Makeup - or Breakup? an eBook in the Breaking up in a Downturn - 5 Steps to transforming crisis into certainty series whether - if you can't leave and you have to stay - isn't it time for a different approach, one which may mean you both wish to stay together?

It’s been reported that almost two million couples in Britain are suffering marital difficulties and 1.3 million people considering splitting up. If you face being one of those who will split, then this transcript and audio recording is designed to help you re-think your relationship - and what you might do to improve it.

Are you one of the many couples who are seeking for ways to repair the cracks in your relationship, rather than go down the divorce route? We know that unprecedented problems are caused by so many people having to live together in a failing relationship because the recession limits many of the traditional options to move on.

Could you be one of those people who will win in this recession because you will be looking for the silver lining and the opportunities - one which could mean you are more willing to repair the damage, than to part? The Breaking up in a Downturn - 5 Steps to transforming crisis into certainty series is aimed at helping people understand how they can makeup - or breakup - during this recession.

Makeup - or Breakup? is a 15 page eBook which is designed to help you re-think your relationship - and what you might do to improve it. Make reluctantly living together due to the recession work for you. At just £16.97 it will help anyone who is feeling confused, alone or frightened and searching for answers to help get past the pain. Click here for more details and to order on-line.

So, what if you could.. Take responsibility for your part (and what it may mean) if you are parting?

Are you really sure that divorce is the answer? How do you know that? It’s all too easy to think that divorce is the answer to your relationship problems but wouldn’t you like a chance to find out what you really have to consider before you utter that final word.

Breakup Angels free report The 8 Most Overlooked Questions to Save you Pain, Money and Stress...Before Divorce becomes your Reality  by Jackie Walker can give you the answers you need to save much of the pain, stress and expense in divorce. You can’t afford not to know more about your marriage breakdown or relationship problems. Only you will be able to make the choices and differences which will help you save money, save face and keep divorce from being a reality or a living nightmare. Click here to download this free special report and learn the underlying reasons for relationship problems and see which ones fit your situation. Learn why seeing a solicitor first is not the best idea. Find out what’s fuelling your problems and deal with them before they become bigger and overwhelm you. Get clear on the help available to you and make sure that you are taking all steps possible to build a safe and happy future - with or without your partner.

Too late for that? The recession may have stopped many people from parting but money worries are also a cause of immense stress within a relationship and people find it is often the final straw in a relationship which has been unhappy for many years. Many of you will be living in a deeply unhappy relationship which can’t be sustained for long: you can’t afford to split but there are few options to part.

As well as producing free and low cost downloadable information designed to offer folk solutions and new strategies and ways to accept what it is they are going through with less anger - encouraging them to re-open lines of communication – Breakup Angels are also running live events.

In our Breaking up in Hard Times - What are your Options? workshop  we will be providing a safe place to find out about a range of issues from tips to uncover whether a relationship is really over; how to achieve a low cost settlement and moving on afterwards with a range of emotional, legal and financial issues in between.

We are re-launching these in 2010 with the help of a number of other breakup organisations and experts including family mediators from the Institute of Family Therapy (IFT) in London and divorce lawyers and financial experts. Costing £67 (save £10 with an early bird discount by booking early) the next is on Tuesday 2 February in London NW1. Read more here and book your place now - places limited.    

So, what if you could... Make sure your kids come through it without harm?

The background. Divorce law has barely changed for 30 years and remains largely an adversarial beast which encourages parents to wage a public war against one another irrespective of whether they can afford to do so. Successive government’s withdrawal of funds for legal aid for most family matters makes it harder than ever for many families to reach fair agreements. 

Newspaper headlines are damning eg. ‘Divorce or destruction’ and ‘Divorce Kids in Crisis’ and the reports behind the headlines describe family breakup case studies in all their misery. Courts are grinding to a halt because of the high number of cases - often people going to court for the ‘wrong’ reasons plus an increasing number of litigants in person. CAFCASS is said to be in emergency measures.

What has really changed in the seven years since I divorced is the sheer volume of information and help on-line. But there comes a stage where the generic nature of on-line information can only take you so far. It's difficult to make sense of relationship breakdown, let alone make any progress when there are so many demands on your time and emotions run high. If you are in a tense, stressful situation and would like to find some solid ground under your feet and make some sense of the mayhem, we at  Breakup Angels  can help you see more clearly.

We focus on what's worrying you the most and what you can do to change that.  Refocus Right Now  is a personalised support service using the internet and the telephone to help you devise a way forward - whatever that might mean. Would you like to save money and time, be truly listened to and able to access the help you want and need to enable you to reduce stress and progress faster? Breakup Angels  offers this with our  Refocus Right Now  personal support service which costs just £67.

If you are in urgent need of some emotional and practical support right now, some suggestions as to how to get through the next three weeks and into the New Year, then take advantage of our special discount of £7 off if you book a Refocus Right Now personal support consultation with us before Christmas and pay just £60. Use the discount code DISC7 before 25 December. Read more here and book on-line for urgent direction and clarity.

What if you could ...Learn more about the opposite sex in ‘Men are from Marylebone, women are from Waterloo?'

In this live free event in London from Breakup Angels financial expert Mike Gordon (forensic accountant and partner at Harmony House) we promise you an evening with a difference. We all know the sexes are different – but have you ever stopped to really consider what a profound impact it would have to learn new insights into the habits and differences in our partners?

If you understood just why you (or your partner) are driven to buy a new pair of shoes or handbag every week, and your partner (or you) spends a small fortune on that old heap in the garage, might you both be able to relax with the differences between you, instead of resisting them?

What do you do when you look in the mirror? Do you check for faults or do confirm to yourself how good looking you are? According to Mike, if the former, then the chances are you’re female. If the latter, chances are you are male.

Interested in learning more? Then pencil in Tuesday 19 January 6.30–9pm if you live in striking distance of London N1 for our next FREE event,  ‘Men are from Marylebone, Women are from Waterloo’ and look out for more details from us early next year. 

What if you could...Use your experiences to help others?  

Whilst we get approached on a regular basis for case studies from media researchers and journalists, we participate in one or two ourselves and pass on limited number of the best of the others. Here is our pick of media opportunities which are available:

·         Award winning Production Company who are making a pioneering UK documentary series on divorce (the director made a hugely successful program on marriage) is looking for couples (and families) interested in being case studies. They may be going through or considering divorce or may be looking to dissolve a civil partnership. 

·         Separated but living together? Channel 4 documentary are making a film about couples who continue to share the same house when they are splitting up due to the current financial crisis. This aims to be a helpful film for those in similar situations.

·         Well regarded journalist is looking for case studies – strong real life stories eg. suffering ill health as a result of divorce, but has fought back. There is remuneration for this. 

Do drop me a line if you can help and I shall send you further information and a suggestion to discuss in confidence your situation, with no obligation to take part at all. The journalists and media researchers are always grateful for any input, even if people don’t wish to take part because it helps them to make an informed documentary (or article) at the end of the day.

What if you could...Have a very happy Christmas even though this may be your first apart?

As with so many things, we often know what we don't want at Christmas but we don't know what we do want. So how can you pay attention to what will make you happy at Christmas when there are so many people to please? Remember you don’t have to do it all - ask everyone in your family for the three most important things that make their holiday special. Then focus on those things and forget the rest. Or if you feel yourself doing other unescessary things anyway, then ask who are you doing it for? Yourself by any chance? Why?

I remember my first Christmas post breakup being a bit strange, a bit sad too as my kids didn't see their father (his choice) but we got through and a couple of Christmas’s later they said they wished to spend time over Christmas with their father. I've written an article here in Wikizine called First Christmas which may help anyone struggling to come to terms with their first Christmas as a separated person.

Remember the kids will take their cue from you - if you are happy, chances are they will be too. If you are feeling guilty, you will pass that on. You can't be responsible for your ex's happiness, that's up to him or her. If you are alone at Christmas, our article called Breakup Angels Secret Christmas Weapon can be found here.

I hope this is helpful. It will feel strange, it will feel different but that doesn't mean it can't be good!

As always, drop us an email or call if you need help in clearing fog cleared pre, through or post breakup. And stay subscribed for relationship and breakup news, tips, techniques and advice.

Warmest wishes

Kirsten

Kirsten Gronning

Co-founder Breakup Angels Ltd

www.breakupangels.com

Want to use these articles on your website or newsletter?  You are very welcome, as long as you also write:

Kirsten Gronning  and Jackie Walker of BreakupAngels.com specialise in creating services for people who are facing, going through or getting over relationship breakdown enabling them to save time, stress and money. Download your FREE special report or subscribe to our newsletter for relationship and breakup tips now  http://www.breakupangels.com

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