Breakup Angels February & March Newsletter

What if you could..?

..Keep the separation and divorce simple

..Agree to agree

..Adjust to solo

.. Get some low-cost expert help from the experts

..Use your experiences to help others

What if you could..Keep the separation and divorce simple?

The sheer size of the problem confronting most folk when their relationship breaks down is enough to keep people hanging on for years in unhappy places or rush off to a divorce lawyer - and often both.

The trouble is, people need so much support from emotional to legal to financial and then throw in the children's issues and family involvement and lots of grey and muddy areas in between and it's no wonder breakup is one of the most traumatic experiences we can go through.

I love getting feedback from clients who have not only got through but have empowered themselves in the process.  One client, Julia, (name has been changed) wrote: I started off with (lawyers) but just one meeting with them set me back £645!! From there on in I did all of my own divorce paperwork and represented myself against my husband, his barrister and solicitor at the first court hearing.

She went on to describe how she managed to keep her cool, and 'did succumb late in the day to using a local with the cheapest fees I could find and they gave the first 45 minutes free'  and achieved the result she needed for herself and her children. She goes on: I truly believed in my case even though his team said my proposals were ridiculous. My message to anyone who is worried about settlements is get stuck into the books, use the various free divorce community websites,read your e-newsletters and know your case inside out.

So how complicated is it, or does it need to be? We've already discussed in detail with family lawyer (with a difference) Neil Denny whether people who are divorcing or breaking up need family lawyer (this is available as a 16 page downloadable report with a 60 minute audio recording here )  - his answers may surprise you.

I also asked Deborah Levy, Head of the Matrimonial Department at WGS Solicitors in central London how could breaking up be simpler, and to explain why divorce is such a maze with so many pitfalls. Is there a proper etiquette to separating couples instructing their solicitor, or should they do it themselves? She replied: "There really is no magic in understanding the divorce laws in the jurisdiction of England and Wales and if you keep focused, apart from the pain and trauma (for which I also have certain tips and advice) it is possible to keep the process relatively simple.” 

She also wrote: "Don’t automatically think just because the relationship is at an end this must mean you have to get divorced - it may not be in your best interests to do so." 

Her article called Keeping It Relatively Simple The 8 Most Important Considerations When You Consider Divorce is a must read for anyone contemplating divorce and separation and bewildered by the legal aspects. Click here to read it. It is the first of a number of free articles we'll be putting on our website over the coming weeks. 

What if you could..Agree to agree, if only because of the cost to the kids?

Our recent events - Conversational Riffs with Neil Denny around conflict resolution  and Men are from Marylebone, Women are from Waterloo with Mike Gordon about understanding the opposite sex have underlined for me the importance of taking the time and the trouble to really connect with your partner and understand their needs and frustrations.  And if it's too late for that, then parting without bitterness and blame is going to be a far better outcome for you personally - and your children in the long-term - than being in a poor me place, too frightened of taking responsibility for your part in the split, however small.

I consider myself very fortunate indeed to have learnt this early on in my own breakup: I'm not entirely sure how much, even who, helped me the most. It was a combination of volumes of self-help books, life coaching tools and the words of wisdom of wise people. And not forgetting emotional maturity - something which I believe we can learn when and if we want to.

The only books I recommend are those which have made a difference to me (or someone close to me, whose word I trust.) This month my two recommendations give simple tools and support to deal effectively in conflict situations: 

• Guide to the Collaborative Process I recommend 'A Client’s Guide to Collaborative divorce - putting your family first' by family lawyer Gillian Bishop of Family Law in Partnership because it is an invaluable resource for people wanting to separate or divorce collaboratively. 

• Conversational Riffs - Creating Meaning Out of Conflict  by  Neil Denny , family lawyer, speaker and trainer on conflict dynamics and resolution invites you to learn 'The Riffs' - easy to learn tools which make an immediate difference to even the most entrenched conflict situations. Conversational Riffs teaches you to keep communicating through conflict situations, in a way that will not only resolve differences but enable you to strengthen relationships with colleagues, clients, and friends at the moment when they are most at risk.

Look out for our numerous articles which we'll bringing to your attention in future newsletters. For example, for those readers looking for inspiration and wondering how they will cope post divorce, then click through to the Wiki Parents in Dialogue article called Adjusting to Solo here. With a new article every month providing insights, revelations, frustrations - and we hope, from time to time inspiration too - three single parents, Kim Tasso (also known as RedStarKim), Bob Greig (founder of OnlyDads) and me, talk to each other and compare experiences of single parenthood - the good, the bad, the fantastic and the pits.  

What if you could. .Get some low-cost help from the experts? 

Are you curious, desparate even, to know  whether it's definitely over? How to find the right lawyer? Whether you even need a lawyer? When to tell the children? Whether you will ever meet a new partner? Or something else?

We can help by taking you through the nitty gritty bits which some of the other professionals don’t realise you don’t know. We will help you make sense of the chaos, give you options you would never have thought of yourself, keep you on track, make sure you are speaking to the right people at the right time and anything else you need to know (or don't know you don't know). 

Refocus Right Now is a personalised support service using the web and the telephone to help you devise a way forward - whatever that might mean. Would you like to save money and time, be truly listened to and able to access the help you want and need to enable you to reduce stress and progress faster? Breakup Angels offers this with personal support service which costs just £67. Click here

to learn more.

* Easter special - for newsletter subscribers booking a consultation before 9 April we offer a special discount of £7 off a Refocus Right Now personal support consultation with us and pay just £60. Use the discount code DISC7 before 9 April to be eligible. Read more here  and book on-line for urgent direction and clarity, or contact us here in confidence to enquire how we can help.

'Our last consultation has really helped and I have put quite a few questions to my solicitor and as a result  I have had more practical advice from them than I have had before. So thank you.' Julie recently after a Refocus Right Now session, a week before a 2 day final court hearing.

An established Woman’s weekly magazine is looking for a woman in her 30s/40s who has been going through divorce for some time - or just finalised it - to contribute to a weekly column. There will be a fee paid. Please contact me for an introduction if you are interested and meet the requirements. You will need to provide a photograph but confidential information will not need to be given.

Finally 

As one client put it recently: ‘You take the crap out of our arguing...’ 

Can we take the crap out of your arguing? This may be particuarly poignant if you are totally flummoxed by how your partner is behaving or even feeling ashamed of what’s going on. Can we help you uncover what’s going on and enable you to take back control of your life?

If this is something you may be interested in, then either call 0208 123 9046 in confidence or for a fast, confidentail response by e-mail  just click  with brief details of the issue weighing heaviest on your mind right now and we will get right back with practical, no-nonsense suggestions. 

Warmest wishes

Kirsten

Kirsten Gronning

Managing Director: Breakup Angels Ltd

www.breakupangels.com

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Kirsten Gronning and Jackie Walker of BreakupAngels.com specialise in creating services for people who are facing, going through or getting over relationship breakdown enabling them to save time, stress and money. Download your FREE special report or subscribe to our newsletter for relationship and breakup tips now: http://www.breakupangels.com

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