• Support for FDR for a LIP 
• Collaborative Family Law Support 
• Litigant in Person - support before Final Hearing 
  

Support for FDR (Financial Dispute Resolution Hearing) for a Litigant in Person (LIP).   

Stephen (names have been changed) was looking for answers to get him through his divorce as a litigant in person in an ancillary relief (financial split) case. He had already spent several thousands of pounds on legal bills and he could not afford to pay for more. He wrote: 

I think I have a fairly good grasp of the overall situation, have been open and honest and total with my disclosures but obviously the legal side/ procedure is another matter, and I’d just add, I would rather be represented, but when I say I simply cannot afford it, I mean it.

Kirsten asked him specifically what he was looking for and he replied that he needed help around court procedure and what he was and wasn’t allowed to say. Kirsten replied that whilst we are not able to get involved in the detail of the case, there was much she could do to help Stephen reduce his anxiety, present his case effectively and be in control, especially important for a litigant in person.

Over a couple of 1-1 telephone calls, Kirsten focused on helping Stephen understand what it was he was asking the court to do - reach a settlement which would enable him to stay in his house - and to focus on the facts. He knew his case but he was concerned about his understandable lack of knowledge of the procedure on the day and what would get thrown at him as a litigant in person by the weight of the other side's lawyers. He wrote: 

Thank you so much for your advice yesterday. During our telephone conversation I began to feel reassured on many points, plus you have clarified my thinking, so much so, in fact that today I have run through practically all the evidence and statements again and made notes to pin down the points I want to make. I want you to know that I am very, very grateful to you for your help. I really hope I can handle things on the day on my own. It has become important to me to be able to do that, now. 

Inevitably pressure was put on Stephen as a litigant in person (LIP) on the day by the other side’s lawyers. He wrote after the hearing: 

‘..I am so very grateful for your advice. I think, without our telephone conversations I would not have had the relative calm and clarity I managed to achieve. So once again, thank you.’ 

Read more here. 

Collaborative Family Law Support

Olivia (names have been changed) was referred to Kirsten by a life and parent coach who recognised her client needed help from someone who understood the divorce process. Olivia wasn't actually married but she had been with her ex-partner Paul for eight years and had a two year old daughter. She wrote to us: 

"We have got to the stage in my coaching sessions where everything I now want to focus on is a formal separation with my ex-partner. We are now about to start a collaborative law process to agree financial arrangements and access but I am still finding it hard to come to terms that this is the end. I would very much like to go through your coaching process as I feel I cannot explain myself fully to lawyers etc when I have so many emotions going on." 

Olivia's anxieties were exacerbated because they weren't married and the bulk of their financial assets were in her ex-partner's name. As a result she was worried about her ability to re-house herself and her child and recognised the importance of agreeing a settlement amicably.

Divorce coach Kirsten spoke to Olivia on the phone and reassured her that she was making progress, though it may not seem like it to Olivia in the emotionally fraught position she was in. Kirsten assured her she was being courageous by driving the settlement she needed in order to move on and we could certainly help her progress matters, specifically:

• Around identifying fears, especially the unknowns e.g. financial uncertainty and ‘can I cope as a single mum?’ scenario.  
• Supplying emotional support - how to cope, keep herself going.  

Afterwards Olivia wrote: "Our discussion helped me to talk to someone who actually understood where I was coming from because of their own personal experience. I felt more positive that the situation can be solved, even if it is still going to be a bit of a bumpy ride and I felt able to open up about my feelings on the split more than I probably do with friends as I want them to think I am being strong and getting on with it when in reality I’m not!"

The next week Kirsten and Olivia met face to face. Olivia had, at Kirsten's suggestion, broken down the issues she needed to confront into the following areas:Emotional - how to maintain ongoing contact with Paul outside of legal meetings.

• Financial - how she could afford to stay in the family property.  
• Practical - how she could work and care for her two year old.  
• Legal - the whole collaborative law process.  

These were some large issues and Kirsten suggested they were taken one by one and these were discussed over the coming weeks.  

Olivia was well-supported by her collaborative family lawyer Fiona Read at Russell-Cooke  solicitors and had full confidence in her ability to achieve a best possible settlement. The collaborative process works best when emotions are not allowed to interfere with the process of finding a solution for all the parties involved. But as the first meeting got nearer, Olivia became anxious about her fear of scuppering the whole collaborative process if she became emotional in their four-way meetings and had to leave.   

By speaking over the telephone for an hour Olivia and Kirsten dug right down into this fear - where it was coming from, what would trigger it and what she could do to avoid feeling it. By facing up to the fear, when it did arise, she knew she could cope as she had learnt to manage it .She coped fine and they reached agreement soon after in the third collaborative process meeting.   

A few months later Kirsten caught up with Olivia again. She was dating again and in a full-time job and sounding very positive. This is what she wrote about how our divorce coaching services helped her: 

Q: How was your experience with the collaborative law process? 
 
A: "The collaborative process suited both myself and my ex partner as we had been able to maintain good communication despite our split. However, I still found it very emotional when we reached our final conclusion as it is finally shutting the door on that relationship. The big plus was that we were able to sort all our arrangements in just three meetings so avoided very large legal costs."   

Q: How did divorce coaching help you? 
 
A: " It enabled me to focus on the emotional upheaval I was going through and helped me deal with the stresses of having to sit opposite my ex partner during our mediation service with solicitors."
 
Q: Would you recommend our services to a friend in need?   

A: "I think anyone going through a divorce/break up would benefit from divorce coaching and wouldn't hesitate to recommend this service."

Read more here.

Litigant in Person - support before Final Hearing

Terry (names have been changed) found Kirsten by searching for information to help his case on the web. He felt he was in control of his case but needed some practical and emotional help to get him through the two months leading up to his three day final hearing in the family court. He had already spent a very large amount of money on legal representation to date with lawyers he liked, but the money had run out. He had however earmarked enough to pay a barrister at his final hearing, but he was facing the next two months on his own, preparing his own case with his lawyer to advise him if he got stuck. He was as quite clear about the support he needed: 

• Help with his narrative statement.   
• Help with his court bundle.   
• Some support in keeping his emotions in check in the courtroom and how to ‘perform’ better.    

With a three month tele-support programme Kirsten was able to help Terry find answers to the questions around the practicalities of getting ready for a court appearance as a litigant in person and how to deal emotionally in court. Coaching sessions of this type work by the client taking responsibility for a series of actions they agreed with their coach at the previous session and Terry was exemplary in carrying out the tasks he had agreed. If he had any questions between sessions, he was able to fire them off in an e-mail to Kirsten and get a response fast. As a financial consultant, the financial aspects of his case did not faze him but he was keen to, as he put it: ‘prepare myself emotionally, physically and mentally for the final hearing’  and we went over a list of courtroom ‘dos and don’ts’ on several occasions so that they would be automatic on the day.  

As the case approached Kirsten helped Terry to focus on how he would feel in court, and exactly what he thought his anxieties might be. Kirsten found him a pleasure to talk to because he was able to voice his anxieties and Kirsten in turn could help him understand that he was doing everything he could. We also looked at the worst case scenario - and he decided he really wasn’t going there!

His barrister was going to prepare a statement of issues and the skeleton argument, but he needed the chronology and an up-to-date financial statement. As we are not lawyers and do not give legal advice, it was easy to draw boundaries and make it clear what was a legal question (which we couldn’t help with) - and what was not -where we could help. 

At the end of his three day hearing an elated Terry called to say the hearing ‘went very well’, ‘the settlement was better than I’d expected’ and his barrister had been 'brilliant.' Not only did he say his evidence was ‘brilliant’ - in fact the judge complimented his evidence saying it was ‘clear evidence and brisk’  whilst Terry said ‘the judge was pulling her hair out with the other side.’ 

Here’s what Terry wrote about how our divorce coaching services helped him.

Q: How did our services help you? 
 
A:   "By giving me access to resources and advice not available from my solicitors."   

Q: How specifically did we help? 
 
A:  "Gave lots of practical tips on how to give evidence in court especially the courtroom card. You emailed me certain documents I could work from when I was acting for myself e.g. courtroom bundle index etc."  
 
Q: What was the most useful aspect of our services?   

A:  " Advice on giving evidence and advice on emotional, physical, mental and psychological aspects of the divorce. Kirsten Gronning's coaching was invaluable as she was able to help me in areas my lawyers couldn't!" 

Read more here

It’s important to note that we prepare clients for their experience in the family court and under no circumstances do we rehearse the evidence, coach or discuss the evidence or detail of the case.

Why not contact us now and tell us how we can help.

Read some Post Breakup case studies here.

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